spermologos

I just took a class on C.S. Lewis last week and the week before, and I’ve been trying to work on the final paper for the class. There were 18 people in there, and we all have to write on C.S. Lewis, so I decided to bypass Southeastern’s library, and go straight for Duke’s. I’ve heard it’s better anyways, and I figured all their books on Lewis wouldn’t be checked out.

So I drove down there today, and it was a slight bust. My iPod broke on the way there, and there were only two books on the shelves (there were about 25 in the catalogue). But, I heard a great conversation I just had to share. Remember, this is Duke, were the average ACT score is in the low 30s, and the average tuition/room/board for a year is nearly $50,000. I was trying not to laugh as some of the smartest college students in the world had the following conversation. The names have been changed to protect the guilty:

Jim: “Hey Jimmy, if your scooter battery goes dead, can any car jump you off?”
Jimmy: [Silence]
Jim: “You don’t know?”
Jimmy: “No. I just didn’t realize that I have a battery in my scooter until you just asked. But I guess it probably does. So I guess I don’t know.”
Jim: “I was just wondering because my friend’s scooter battery went dead, and he didn’t know what to do. He thinks someone must have drained his battery, though.”
Jimmy: “Drained his battery? You mean there are fluids in there?”
James: “No, as in drained the power from his battery.”
Jimmy: “How did they do that? I mean, he thinks someone just opened up his scooter and drained it?”
Jim: “He doesn’t know, but he just didn’t know if a normal car could jump off a scooter.”
James: “How does it work when you jump somebody off?”
Jimmy: “You have to hook a wire between both cars is all I know.”
Jim: “Yeah, the bad battery takes power from the good batter.”
James: “But how does the good battery know how much power to give the bad battery? Is there some type of sensor?”
Jimmy: “I don’t know. I don’t think there is, it just kind of works.”
Jim: “Well anyway, we still don’t even know if you can jump off a scooter battery with a car battery.”

At that point, I walked downstairs to continue looking for the books that weren’t on the shelves. But I guess there are some days when I’m glad to have not made a thirty-something on my ACT.

I continuously find in my life that I don’t like the Bible. Oh sure, I like to say that I like the Bible, and I proudly consider myself [loosely] within the category of sola scriptura. I study it and teach it and all that good stuff. But when it boils down to it, I just don’t like it. I keep saying it because I keep having to remind myself that the subconscious reality betrays the words that come from my mouth.

I’ll tell you what I like. I like books about the Bible–theology books, church history books, books on Christianity and culture. All of these books are based on what people think the Bible means. It removes me from actually picking up that thing we call Holy Scripture and reading it. I tell you what else I like. I like Greek and sometimes Hebrew. I like to go way down deep into the individual words and what they mean and where they come from and the significance of the way they are put together in sentences in the Bible. I find that fun (some people might think I’m a big dork, and they’d probably be correct). But I still don’t like the Bible.

All of those things remove me from the Bible. It’s hard to think of digging into the original languages and fighting through the jungle of syntax and being removed from the Bible, but it’s true. It’s still hard to see how a book written about what the Bible means really removes you from the Bible, but again, it’s true. It’s like a scientist studying brain waves–they’ve gone beyond looking at the person. It’s becomes so technical that they are no longer working with the person, but on the person. Or the latter is like a psychologist studying the DSM–they are studying theories, but they’ve yet to get in the mix and really work with a person. It’s entirely impersonal and theoretical.

That’s where I am with the Bible. I’ve really been trying to figure out just why I feel this way. I think I may know. I find myself understanding what Tony Jones meant when he referred to the Bible as a “f***ing scary book.” Like most people, I would personally choose a different phrase, but I see exactly what he means. The Bible is a tough book. The Bible is a hard book to digest, and it seems that many of the writers of the Bible meant it that way.

I was talking with Courtney about why it’s so hard to really dive into the Bible. Certain scholars have noted how great the Bible is in a literary sense. There are cases of that where it is true. Hebrew poetry for instance is basically unparalleled throughout the world. But for the most part, the Bible is not a great work of literature. You read the narrative(s) in the Bible and you walk away asking a million questions. Seemingly important details are left out. Sometimes you’re left wanting to know just one question: “Why?” Many times there is a complete lack of flow throughout the narrative texts. Or, if a certain passage has a good flow, it still has a hard transition from passage to passage. It’s not an easy read, just on that surface level.

But I think the real reason I don’t like the Bible goes back to what Tony Jones said. The Bible is subversive. I really don’t like the way we’ve overused words like subversive and revolution (and others), ultimately stripping them of all meaning. I think some people want to make Jesus or the Bible subversive in ways that were never intended. But the Bible is subversive. Jones points out in that article that the Bible challenges us–challenges our assumptions and our comforts. The Bible doesn’t allow me to really read it and remain as I am. When you really read the Bible you only have two options–change it or change you.

I’m pretty sure this is what Brian McLaren meant when he wrote (I forget which book) about letting the Bible read you. This is what Hebrews 4:12 is really getting at. We’ve tamed that verse to use it in our debates over inerrancy and biblical authority. But if I’m reading it correctly, it’s a warning passage. The verse is saying “be careful when you pick up the Word of God. It’s like a big sword–it’ll cut you to pieces.” Just like looking at a kid who picks up a knife, you take it away and tell them that this useful tool can hurt them. They don’t need to play with it. One day, when they are ready, they can use it for its intended purposes. But for now, put it back. I think that’s exactly what the Hebrews passage is saying. “This book is for people who are ready. Don’t take it flippantly. Don’t play with it. It’ll hurt you if you do.”

And I think that is why I don’t like the Bible. It’s a lot less painful to let someone else read it and tell me their thoughts. It’s a lot tamer at that point. It’s a lot less painful to stress over the details of Greek and Hebrew grammar, getting into the debates entailed there too. It’s much more fun to debate with someone, trying to prove you’re correct in your thinking, than to simply let the Bible read you and tear you to pieces. I don’t like that. I don’t like being told I’m wrong and need to change something. I don’t like not being god. But the Bible won’t let me sit there. The Bible reminds me that I’m not god, that I’m not the center of the universe. It reminds me that I’m supposed to put myself last and bow down before my Creator. it reminds me that my thoughts, actions, words and beliefs fall far short of what God expects. So I put it back on the shelf and pick up a theology book and get lost in that. I only go back to pick it up when I need something out of it–homework, Bible study lesson, whatever. Or when I read it, I allow myself to stay at the superficial level. Or I read passages that teach me things I’ve already learned. It’s easier, less painful. I don’t like the Bible–it requires much more of me than I really want to give.

I’m sure that no one really wants to read more about my favorite crazy theological system–dispensationalism. But Courtney reads a hilarious blog called Stuff Christians Like who posted something great this morning. For what it’s worth, I’d like to take this moment to commend the aforementioned blog. They have been described something along the lines of “hilarious but not quite heretical.” They make fun of Christian sub-culture, which makes some people angry, but makes most of us laugh. The guy goes to Northpoint Community Church north of Atlanta, which makes for great irony (at least I think so). Nonetheless, check it out and let me get back on point.

Prodigal Jon just wrote a post about a website that will email people for you after you’ve been taken up in the rapture. I suggest you simply read his post. He makes fun of it quite well, and there’s really not a lot of purpose in me mocking it, too. But the gist is that this site has five employees positioned around the USA (the only country that will really be affected by the rapture, after all). When 3 of them don’t log in for 3 days, the system turns on. After three more days, it sends emails to the chosen but left behind. You choose 62 (random number) people to receive emails, and you can edit your documents at any time (presumably before the rapture). The purpose is to list prophecies, and as they become fulfilled, your left behind friends and family will see the light and get saved. All of this for the low, low price of $40 a year! Certainly can’t beat that deal, now can you?

As I said, Prodigal Jon has made enough fun of the site already. However, he didn’t want to give the URL. Of course, it only took about 3 seconds to google it, but in case you are too lazy for even that, I will give the URL. youvebeenleftbehind.com. As best as I can tell, this is legitimate. I keep hoping to realize that it’s a joke, but they seem to have the full setup, complete with paypal.

Unfortunately, this website could single-handedly undo the Tim LaHaye theology. In the books, people are so paganized that they simply deceive themselves into believing that some sort of alien invasion or nuclear reaction made all Christians, unborn and newborn babies disappear. Now, there will be no denying, since your non-Christians friends and family will receive a nice big “told-you so….sucker!”

[HT: Lovely Wife]

OK. We’ve all been to the gas pump and griped about high gas prices. Not only did we hit $4/gallon here in Raleigh (granted, it did go down a few cents), but the prediction is that gas will soon hit $6/gallon. Americans were blamed for their consumption, until consumption started declining at the beginning of the year while prices still climbed. Now we’re being told it’s the global economy with China and India to blame. What I really hear is, “Blah, blah, blah. We oil companies are getting filthy rich and there’s nothing you can do but whine and complain.” Well, Courtney and I decided to do something to use less gas and ease our pocketbooks.

We bought a scooter. That’s right….fat guy on a little scooter. Of course, we wanted to be able to take it to church–a 50 mile round trip; both of us take it to school–30 mile round trip; me take it to work–40 mile round trip; and then use it any time we need to go into town and run errands–40 mile minimum round trip. So we had to buy one large enough and fast enough that we could both use it without it being more of a burden. I didn’t want to be the guy going 25 mph on the side of the road.

So we bought a 250cc scooter that is made for two riders to ride quite comfortably. It has a lot of storage space–which translates quite differently in scooter terms than in car terms. It will go 80+ mph, and gets 60 miles per gallon. That’s over twice what our Honda gets, and three times what my truck gets. We are still waiting for our helmets and we have to get licenses. But hopefully by this weekend we will be able to drive it. And we’ve already figured that our gas bill–which is quite significant–will be cut in half.

I’m really loving the idea of scooters, and apparently, I’m not the only one. Scooter sales are up nearly 25% already this year, and they’re only going to increase in popularity. The dealership where we purchased our scooter received a call from another local dealership asking to buy some of their stock. The savings on gas make these things pay for themselves in about a year or so, and gas isn’t getting any cheaper, so it’s only natural that people are looking to scooters to help. And, on a different note, they are a lot of fun.

So I’ve joined the likes of friends like Josh, who drives a Vespa. I’ll be enjoying this all the way to the gas pump. And here are some pictures of our new scoot.

So it has been officially 41 days since my last post. I’d love to say I took a fast from the internet or something really spiritual like that, but it’s simply not the case. It’s actually been so long since I wrote anything that I almost forgot about blogging altogether. And even though it’s been it’s been so long, it feels like only a matter of days. The last month and a half has simply been crazy. But I’ve finally had a couple of full night’s sleep, and I’ve done virtually nothing today. The sad part is that I still feel like there are things I’m supposed to be doing. My brain hasn’t quite registered that life has slowed down.

Anyway, for all those who kept checking my blog I’d like to give a big “thank you” for caring and being interested. That includes my lovely wife, who would remind me every couple of days that I hadn’t blogged and wondered when I was going to. I really only write to get my thoughts out of my head and keep me from exploding, so I can’t say when I’ll write anything “substantial” or whatever. But I should start having more time on my hands to write, and that means I’ll probably feel like trying to tell the whole world how smart I think I am.

With that being said, I feel like I’ve missed my friends and family being gone. I’ve certainly missed a slower pace of life. So I welcome back my sanity, and I hope no one has given up on me and stopped reading.